So it is cycle day... 26 for me, and guess what? No sign of my period this morning!! Whenever I get my period, I always have it upon waking up, so I am counting today as a wonderful day since it is no where in sight. Making it 26 days is definitely something to celebrate, as my last cycle was 21 days. Basically that is a gigantic leap. I will have to look, but 26 days is definitely one of the longest cycles I have had in the past year. Who knows, with my crazy body I may just get my period later today, but that would just be bizarre as I have never in my life gotten it mid day.
Maybe next month I will continue to have longer cycles AND ovulate! That would be a miracle :) If only my body could learn to be consistent, life would be so simple!
9/30/11
9/28/11
Septemeber Cycle
Although I did not ovulate this month whatsoever, I am currently on cycle day 24, which is a huge achievement for me! I am expecting my period any day now, but the fact that I am having cycles lasting 20+ days is so so so wonderful and definitely something to celebrate! Last month I had a 21 day cycle, so this cycle is kicking it's butt!
Now if my body could just keep up these longer cycles each month and then ovulate too, things would be perfect :)
Now if my body could just keep up these longer cycles each month and then ovulate too, things would be perfect :)
Bad News Turns Into Great News!
My doctor's office called me back yesterday letting me know that Dr. R had reviewed my records and that she was referring me to an infertility speciailits at an OB/GYN office that partners with her family practice. I was thrilled to hear that I was finally being referred to someone who could actually perscribe me something or at the very least give me appropriate next steps. I'm all about being proactive to get my body to ovulate and FINALLY I feel like I am headed in the right direction.
So I immediately called over to the OB/GYN office and planned to schedule an appointment with the specialist. The receptionist told me that the clinic has 2 infertility specialists and that they were both a bit booked out. I told her that was fine, I just wanted the soonest available appointment. After a few moments, the receptionist told me that the earliest I could get in would be January 18th, 2012! I thought she was kidding!! She then told me that the other doctor was booked out through March, so that January wasn't that bad!! Um, but January is a third of a year away! I thought I was going to cry, and if I were not at work, I probably would have. I told her I would take the appointment and that if anything opened up sooner, I would totally take it. She told me that that list was long too (of course it is!) But seriously, January was a ridiculous time frame, and I refuse to wait 4 months after I've already waited a year. Plus, both doctor's were male, which I don't like. I do not think I would feel comfortable with a man staring at my vagina should he need to see it! However, I feel desperate at this point to see SOMEONE, so who cares that he's male. I can't always get my way.
After venting like crazy last night and all this morning to my husband and my wonderful friend, I decided that January would not do, and I would find someone else who could get me in sooner, even if it meant calling around all day.
So this morning, I started by calling my old OB/GYN office in the city I used to live in to see if they knew of anyone else that I could see, even if it meant driving back up to where I used to live. The nurse I spoke with could not beleive that I could not get in until January and said she has never heard of that! (So I guess it wasn't just me being impatient- it was a ridiculous amount of time to wait!) She was so sweet and so helpful and gave me the names of a bunch of people who I could call, including one that is in my county. Gosh, I love that nurse!
After hanging up with her, I called to see what the wait list would like for the place closest to my new home. The receptionist there was so nice too and told me that it was a bit of a wait also, but not anywhere close to January. I was thinking maybe November-ish. She asked if I prefered a male or female doctor, (already I loved this place since they asked my preference) so I told her a female, unles the wait was significantly longer. She told me that the wait was a little bit longer, and that I could not be seen until October 12th, 2011. I almost died!! That's 2 weeks away -2 WEEKS!!- opposed to 4 whole months and with a female doctor!! I was overjoyed. The visit will be a consultation visit and last for an hour. The nurse said that I should call my insurance company to see what they cover as the first appointment is $350, and if my insurance won't cover it, I will need to pay at the time of my visit.
So then I called my insurance company. I was told that they will cover all testing for diagnosis of infertility, but not treatments (what the heck- this makes no sense to me, but ok!). I'm just grateful they cover some of the process! Because I believe that I simply have a problem ovulating and that my cycles are too short (which meds can fix), I'm not too worried about the expense at this point. It's nice to know that my consultation visit is completely covered.
Oh man, I cannot wait until October 12th! I am hoping to actually get the wheels in motion and start releasing some eggs- hopefully I can start ovulating more than three times a year! That's my goal at this point.
So I immediately called over to the OB/GYN office and planned to schedule an appointment with the specialist. The receptionist told me that the clinic has 2 infertility specialists and that they were both a bit booked out. I told her that was fine, I just wanted the soonest available appointment. After a few moments, the receptionist told me that the earliest I could get in would be January 18th, 2012! I thought she was kidding!! She then told me that the other doctor was booked out through March, so that January wasn't that bad!! Um, but January is a third of a year away! I thought I was going to cry, and if I were not at work, I probably would have. I told her I would take the appointment and that if anything opened up sooner, I would totally take it. She told me that that list was long too (of course it is!) But seriously, January was a ridiculous time frame, and I refuse to wait 4 months after I've already waited a year. Plus, both doctor's were male, which I don't like. I do not think I would feel comfortable with a man staring at my vagina should he need to see it! However, I feel desperate at this point to see SOMEONE, so who cares that he's male. I can't always get my way.
After venting like crazy last night and all this morning to my husband and my wonderful friend, I decided that January would not do, and I would find someone else who could get me in sooner, even if it meant calling around all day.
So this morning, I started by calling my old OB/GYN office in the city I used to live in to see if they knew of anyone else that I could see, even if it meant driving back up to where I used to live. The nurse I spoke with could not beleive that I could not get in until January and said she has never heard of that! (So I guess it wasn't just me being impatient- it was a ridiculous amount of time to wait!) She was so sweet and so helpful and gave me the names of a bunch of people who I could call, including one that is in my county. Gosh, I love that nurse!
After hanging up with her, I called to see what the wait list would like for the place closest to my new home. The receptionist there was so nice too and told me that it was a bit of a wait also, but not anywhere close to January. I was thinking maybe November-ish. She asked if I prefered a male or female doctor, (already I loved this place since they asked my preference) so I told her a female, unles the wait was significantly longer. She told me that the wait was a little bit longer, and that I could not be seen until October 12th, 2011. I almost died!! That's 2 weeks away -2 WEEKS!!- opposed to 4 whole months and with a female doctor!! I was overjoyed. The visit will be a consultation visit and last for an hour. The nurse said that I should call my insurance company to see what they cover as the first appointment is $350, and if my insurance won't cover it, I will need to pay at the time of my visit.
So then I called my insurance company. I was told that they will cover all testing for diagnosis of infertility, but not treatments (what the heck- this makes no sense to me, but ok!). I'm just grateful they cover some of the process! Because I believe that I simply have a problem ovulating and that my cycles are too short (which meds can fix), I'm not too worried about the expense at this point. It's nice to know that my consultation visit is completely covered.
Oh man, I cannot wait until October 12th! I am hoping to actually get the wheels in motion and start releasing some eggs- hopefully I can start ovulating more than three times a year! That's my goal at this point.
9/21/11
First One To Admit I'm Crazy
I came across a list while browsing the Internet today for TTC websites (sadly this has become a hobby of mine) that explains all the crazy signs of TTC couples. This list was too good not to share, and sadly, INCREDIBLY accurate of my situation! I am almost embarrassed to admit that this list describes me perfectly, but you know what... this whole TTC business totally makes me crazy! I have added in a few of my personal crazy things. Enjoy!
You know you're TTC when...
- You show everyone who will look at your BBT charts and frequently try to analyze them. You always have a reason why they look all crazy and make no sense ("oooh, that there is a possibly implantation dip" or "yeah, I didn't sleep well that night, so that weird line must be wrong!")
-Clearly that's not my period- oh my gosh, I think it's implantation bleeding! It's a sad moment when you realize you need more than just a pantyliner!
-You spend HOURS looking at TTC websites. Hours.
- The Big 'O' no longer refers to orgasm, but instead to ovulation
- Every twinge is a potential sign: ovulation pain OR perhaps implantation
- It no longer strikes you as the least bit odd to check out at Target with both HPTs and tampons in your cart.
-You know every early pregnancy sign there is. And funny enough, you have almost all of them during the 2ww!
- If your OPK comes up +, you cancel all social engagements that night so you can BD & lie with your legs elevated and butt up in the air afterward. You basically obsess over when you will be able to DTD
- You talk using mysterious acronyms that only your TTC buddies understand: TTC, BD, EWCM, BBT, DH, 2WW...
- You suddenly become more of a morning person because you know that you will be able to take your temperature. Who knows, it may show that you ovulated or implanted!
- You refuse to finish decorating that 3rd bedroom in your new home because you can't stand the thought of getting it just the way you want it only to have to tear it apart next month in order to make room for the nursery you'll be needing.
- When planning a vacation you have to think how far along you might be by then, because of course you'll be pregnant by that time!
- You actually look through the weekly ads that come in the mail to see if there are any coupons for OPKs or HPTs that you can cut out.
- You're so excited to go to the doctor hoping they will give you something to help you get pregnant!
- You spend more on OPKs, HPTs, and fertility supplements than you do on clothes
- A wonderful thing about getting your period means you can Google when your baby will be born should you get pregnant that cycle.
-You take OPKs out of the garbage can hours later because you might have misread them. The more you think about it, it could have been a positive!
-You order special lube online that is safe for TTC couples and may even help carry the sperm to the egg. Doesn't matter that it costs over $20 for a teeny tiny tube.
-The thought of nausea makes your heart skip a beat!
- You make a mental note of what day of your cycle it is before you say "ok" to a drink
- You get sick but make sure you can take the medicine in case you are pregnant...and would rather stay sick if you can't take the medicine.
- You refer (and think) of your husband, not as his real name, but as the letters "DH" in real life
-You totally know how you're going to design a nursery for either a boy or girl.
-At any given day you know what cycle day you're on.
- You would totally love to have multiples! The idea of triplets suddenly doesn't seem so bad and of course it would work out perfectly.
-You actually bought a gift to give to your husband to tell him you're pregnant. Who cares if it's been sitting in a hiding spot for a looooong time.
- You suffer silently from Infertility Vision (IV) - defined as the ability to see pink lines that nobody else can see. It's a very common condition among POASers during the days leading up to the official test day. Research is still being done, but at present there is no cure for it!
I am totally willing to admit that I am crazy. At least I can have fun with it!
I Love Helpful People!
So today I had my much anticipated appointment with a family doctor in my town. My hubby and I just moved to a new county, so I figured I might as well pick a new doctor so that I do not have to drive over an hour to see my old one. Plus my old doctor kinda pissed me off frequently and I felt that she never really took me seriously. In my previous post about all the sayings that annoy me, she would say every one of those basically- except the grandkid one! So a new doctor sounded like a great idea to me!
When I made the appointment a few weeks ago, the front desk staff asked if I preferred a male or female doctor. I'm kind of weird about this sort of thing, as I only want women doctors. I just would not feel comfortable talking to a man about my periods or lack of ovulation, of showing him my va-jay-jay. Plus, I feel that a women can relate more to my situation than a man.
So when I got to my appointment, they did the usual- weighed me, took my height, had me fill out paperwork.... My doctor knocked on the examine door to come in, and I did not really know what to expect, as I had never met her, but I did not expect what I saw. Dr. R was really tall, African American, dressed up like she was going on the most important date of her life (little black dress with stilletos and a fancy hair do), and must have been from the deep South as she had a thick, thick accent. She was very friendly, and asked me to share why I was there and kind of the history of my reproductive system, which is always a great story!
Well my history is not explained in a 5 minute segment, so we talked for about half an hour. She listened to what I said and took notes on her computer and asked me questions to get me to elaborate. Bottom line, I explained to her that for basically the past year (ok, I know it's been 10 months, but whatever- a year is close enough) I have been keeping track of all of my cycles and when I ovulate, and I have found that I do not ovulate regularly, and in fact have only done so three times since November. One of the times I ovulated, I got my period three days later, so it was an absolute complete waste of an egg. I also explained that my cycles vary from 18 days to 25. The look on her face when I explained this was priceless- she basically looked horrified. I said, "Yeah I know, it sucks to get my period all the time! I finish up with one, have a one to two week break, and start up again."
Yes, she totally pulled the age card on me and explained that I am lucky to have my age on my side and that I should be hopeful as medicince can make 60 year olds have babies. I explained to her that I am not in a hurry to get pregnant necessarily, and that I am hopeful, I just want to make sure that I am doing all I can each month and that I actually have a shot at becoming a mom. Because right now, the reality is I do not have a chance due to lack of ovulating and short luetal phase when I do ovulate.
Dr. R said the next steps would be to request my records from my old doctor (which I CANNOT believe I forgot to do ahead of time!). She wants to look them over to make sure that she does not repeat any blood work I have had recently or repeat anything else, such as a Pap test, as my insurance company won't cover repeated tests (this I appreciate so so so much). She then said that after looking over my records she would consult with an OB/GYN as to the appropriate next steps. Dr. R let me know that I would most likely need a few more blood tests,which I could do at the family practice, but then I would be turned over to an OB/GYN who would most likely prescribe me Clomid (YES!).
So today really did not feel all that productive- I did not come home with a Clomid prescription, which would have been best case scenario, but things are moving in the right direction, which is something I am grateful for and have not been able to say until now. I love my new doctor and feel that she listened well to my concerns and took them seriously. I am grateful that she wants to take the time to learn more about my history and what appropriate next steps to take.
Annnd because I am so impatient, I called my old doctor's office and asked if they could send my records over ASAP. I'd like to get the ball moving sooner than later. Plus, if I do get prescribed Clomid, I am hoping it will be within the time frame of my next few cycles (at this stage, I am hoping to be taking Clomid by Christmas- that's a totally reasonable time frame I think). I will keep you posted once I get a call back from Dr. R about next steps. Overall, today was a good day and I am getting one step closer, thanks to my helpful doctor. I love helpful people!
When I made the appointment a few weeks ago, the front desk staff asked if I preferred a male or female doctor. I'm kind of weird about this sort of thing, as I only want women doctors. I just would not feel comfortable talking to a man about my periods or lack of ovulation, of showing him my va-jay-jay. Plus, I feel that a women can relate more to my situation than a man.
So when I got to my appointment, they did the usual- weighed me, took my height, had me fill out paperwork.... My doctor knocked on the examine door to come in, and I did not really know what to expect, as I had never met her, but I did not expect what I saw. Dr. R was really tall, African American, dressed up like she was going on the most important date of her life (little black dress with stilletos and a fancy hair do), and must have been from the deep South as she had a thick, thick accent. She was very friendly, and asked me to share why I was there and kind of the history of my reproductive system, which is always a great story!
Well my history is not explained in a 5 minute segment, so we talked for about half an hour. She listened to what I said and took notes on her computer and asked me questions to get me to elaborate. Bottom line, I explained to her that for basically the past year (ok, I know it's been 10 months, but whatever- a year is close enough) I have been keeping track of all of my cycles and when I ovulate, and I have found that I do not ovulate regularly, and in fact have only done so three times since November. One of the times I ovulated, I got my period three days later, so it was an absolute complete waste of an egg. I also explained that my cycles vary from 18 days to 25. The look on her face when I explained this was priceless- she basically looked horrified. I said, "Yeah I know, it sucks to get my period all the time! I finish up with one, have a one to two week break, and start up again."
Yes, she totally pulled the age card on me and explained that I am lucky to have my age on my side and that I should be hopeful as medicince can make 60 year olds have babies. I explained to her that I am not in a hurry to get pregnant necessarily, and that I am hopeful, I just want to make sure that I am doing all I can each month and that I actually have a shot at becoming a mom. Because right now, the reality is I do not have a chance due to lack of ovulating and short luetal phase when I do ovulate.
Dr. R said the next steps would be to request my records from my old doctor (which I CANNOT believe I forgot to do ahead of time!). She wants to look them over to make sure that she does not repeat any blood work I have had recently or repeat anything else, such as a Pap test, as my insurance company won't cover repeated tests (this I appreciate so so so much). She then said that after looking over my records she would consult with an OB/GYN as to the appropriate next steps. Dr. R let me know that I would most likely need a few more blood tests,which I could do at the family practice, but then I would be turned over to an OB/GYN who would most likely prescribe me Clomid (YES!).
So today really did not feel all that productive- I did not come home with a Clomid prescription, which would have been best case scenario, but things are moving in the right direction, which is something I am grateful for and have not been able to say until now. I love my new doctor and feel that she listened well to my concerns and took them seriously. I am grateful that she wants to take the time to learn more about my history and what appropriate next steps to take.
Annnd because I am so impatient, I called my old doctor's office and asked if they could send my records over ASAP. I'd like to get the ball moving sooner than later. Plus, if I do get prescribed Clomid, I am hoping it will be within the time frame of my next few cycles (at this stage, I am hoping to be taking Clomid by Christmas- that's a totally reasonable time frame I think). I will keep you posted once I get a call back from Dr. R about next steps. Overall, today was a good day and I am getting one step closer, thanks to my helpful doctor. I love helpful people!
9/13/11
If I Hear This One More Time...
I have compiled a list of phrases that if I hear any one of them even one more time, I might seriously snap.
2) You're still young.
I almost slapped my old OB/GYN in the face for repeatedly saying this to me. While she sat there with her cute pregnant belly and she was young too. My husband has had his head chewed off a few times for saying this same line to me. Do you think that I do not know that I am young? Thank you for pointing out the obvious! Age aside, I am still struggling with getting pregnant. I would like to be treated as someone struggling with infertility and feel that my concerns are heard.
3) When are you guys having kids?
To the innocent people who do not know that we have been trying, I am completely fine with this question. My hubby and I usually respond with something vague, such as "sooner than later" or "within the next few years." However, to the people who ask me this on a regular basis, back off. It's annoying as hell and guess what- my answer hasn't changed!
4) When are you going to have our grandkids?
Thankfully, this question has never come out of the mouths of my parents, only my in-laws. Like I said in my previous post, I know that they are good intentioned and are just excited for us. However, this question occurs sooo often. And the answer is ALWAYS the same! I constantly tell them that the second we find out that we are pregnant, they will know for sure! It's almost like they think we won't tell them or something?! Who knows. I just know it's annoying.
5) I cannot beleive how fast we got pregnant!
This just creates jealousy. Must be nice! I am truely excited for friend's of mine who had quick conceptions, don't get me wrong. I just wish that were my case!
6) You need to wait a full year.
I have issues with not ovulating and getting my periods really close together. Who cares how long I wait... it is yet to get any better after 10 months. I understand that people's body can change over the course of a year, but I wish some doctors would have at least addressed my concerns. Instead, I have felt that they don't even want to hear anything until it has been a year.
Just had to get that out. These phrases make me feel so defensive. I know that people say them with good intentions, but it still makes it hard to hear and hard to respond to. So if you say one of these to me, please be understanding if I snap back at you.
1) Don't stress.
Oddly enough, everyone who says this has a child already. Do you really think I want to be stressed about it, or that I am choosing to be? 2) You're still young.
I almost slapped my old OB/GYN in the face for repeatedly saying this to me. While she sat there with her cute pregnant belly and she was young too. My husband has had his head chewed off a few times for saying this same line to me. Do you think that I do not know that I am young? Thank you for pointing out the obvious! Age aside, I am still struggling with getting pregnant. I would like to be treated as someone struggling with infertility and feel that my concerns are heard.
3) When are you guys having kids?
To the innocent people who do not know that we have been trying, I am completely fine with this question. My hubby and I usually respond with something vague, such as "sooner than later" or "within the next few years." However, to the people who ask me this on a regular basis, back off. It's annoying as hell and guess what- my answer hasn't changed!
4) When are you going to have our grandkids?
Thankfully, this question has never come out of the mouths of my parents, only my in-laws. Like I said in my previous post, I know that they are good intentioned and are just excited for us. However, this question occurs sooo often. And the answer is ALWAYS the same! I constantly tell them that the second we find out that we are pregnant, they will know for sure! It's almost like they think we won't tell them or something?! Who knows. I just know it's annoying.
5) I cannot beleive how fast we got pregnant!
This just creates jealousy. Must be nice! I am truely excited for friend's of mine who had quick conceptions, don't get me wrong. I just wish that were my case!
6) You need to wait a full year.
I have issues with not ovulating and getting my periods really close together. Who cares how long I wait... it is yet to get any better after 10 months. I understand that people's body can change over the course of a year, but I wish some doctors would have at least addressed my concerns. Instead, I have felt that they don't even want to hear anything until it has been a year.
Just had to get that out. These phrases make me feel so defensive. I know that people say them with good intentions, but it still makes it hard to hear and hard to respond to. So if you say one of these to me, please be understanding if I snap back at you.
Pity Party At My House
So last night was not a good night. And for basically a stupid reason. Let's blame it on being tired.
I came home from work, changed into sweats, got dinner together for my husband and me, played with my puppies, and watched the season finale of Design Star (seriously, Meg-The-Smoker-Voice won?!) I grabbed the clean laundry that had been sitting in the dryer for way too many days and went upstairs to put it away. While I was upstairs, my husband's phone rang and it was his good friend from high school who he had not heard from in awhile.
While I was upstairs putting laundry away, I could hear my husband ending his conversation and saying goodbye. He immediately yelled upstairs to me, "Guess what? I have some news." I yelled back down, "What?" and he went on to tell me that his good friend and his wife were pregnant again, and that it was a total accident. My hubby then said that his friend's wife was not happy about it and really pissed off.
Upstairs, I was just instantly annoyed. My hubby's friend has a wonderful life on the surface- a lovely custom made home, nice cars, dream jobs, the nicest of absolutely everything, a one-year-old, and they travel constantly. They live a life that I do not necessarily wish I had as I am very content with my own, but they are able to do things with ease that my hubby and I have to work really hard for...baby included. Now, they are having another kiddo, and they are mad about it?? Um, this basically put me over the edge.
After I finished putting laundry away, I came down and sat on the couch by my husband. I told him that I could not believe that she was mad about being pregnant and that I did not feel sorry for her at all. After all, pregnancy is completely preventable and if she did not want to get pregnant, she should have done something about that.
And then out of no where, I burst into tears. For the first time since starting on this pregnancy journey, I cried about it. My husband was really sweet and said, "Don't cry, it will happen for us, we basically just started trying. It's not a big deal." I tried to stop the tears, but I just couldn't. I ended up making just an ugly face in attempts to. Totally not cute at all. I told my hubby that it's just annoying- it's like we don't even have a chance at getting pregnant and here is someone who can easily afford to have another child, should consider changing her name to Fertile Mertile, and here they are mad about it! I told my husband that I just felt so frustrated and that it just got to me. Sorry, but his friend has absolutely no sympathy from me.
Totally the wrong time to say this, but my husband then said, "My mom asked me again today when we are having kids." Basically the tears stopped instantly and I was just pissed. Maybe enraged would be a better word. She asks this question to us CONSTANTLY! I recognize that it is partially our faults as we have not shared with our family that we have been trying for a baby and I know that she has good intentions. However, every single time I see my in-laws they ask this question. Like it's no big deal to just pop out a kid. My hubby and I have only been married for 2.5 years and we both work. I have explained to my in-laws countless times that when they are able to quit their jobs and drive over an hour to our home to watch our child Monday through Friday, we'll consider it. Still, they act like it's nothing! I told my hubby that I am going to write a blog about all of the things that if I hear a few more times, I might seriously snap! So look forward to that!
My hubby reminded me that I have a doctor's appointment next week and that I am doing what I can do to allow us to get pregnant. I calmed down a bit and said that I know he's right, it just gets so frustrating sometime. I must have had a lot more frustration and sadness built up than I realized as I just could not hold back tears.
I woke up today and I am not going to lie- I was still annoyed that they are actually pissed about having another child, but I also woke up and realized that it is out of my hands at this point in terms of us getting pregnant. I know that each month I am doing all that I can do and I feel proud about that. I know that we will become parents eventually and like my best friend told me, when it does happen, it will just be so perfect and that baby will be totally worth it. I know she is absolutely right. I think I just need to have more patience which is much easier said than done.
I came home from work, changed into sweats, got dinner together for my husband and me, played with my puppies, and watched the season finale of Design Star (seriously, Meg-The-Smoker-Voice won?!) I grabbed the clean laundry that had been sitting in the dryer for way too many days and went upstairs to put it away. While I was upstairs, my husband's phone rang and it was his good friend from high school who he had not heard from in awhile.
While I was upstairs putting laundry away, I could hear my husband ending his conversation and saying goodbye. He immediately yelled upstairs to me, "Guess what? I have some news." I yelled back down, "What?" and he went on to tell me that his good friend and his wife were pregnant again, and that it was a total accident. My hubby then said that his friend's wife was not happy about it and really pissed off.
Upstairs, I was just instantly annoyed. My hubby's friend has a wonderful life on the surface- a lovely custom made home, nice cars, dream jobs, the nicest of absolutely everything, a one-year-old, and they travel constantly. They live a life that I do not necessarily wish I had as I am very content with my own, but they are able to do things with ease that my hubby and I have to work really hard for...baby included. Now, they are having another kiddo, and they are mad about it?? Um, this basically put me over the edge.
After I finished putting laundry away, I came down and sat on the couch by my husband. I told him that I could not believe that she was mad about being pregnant and that I did not feel sorry for her at all. After all, pregnancy is completely preventable and if she did not want to get pregnant, she should have done something about that.
And then out of no where, I burst into tears. For the first time since starting on this pregnancy journey, I cried about it. My husband was really sweet and said, "Don't cry, it will happen for us, we basically just started trying. It's not a big deal." I tried to stop the tears, but I just couldn't. I ended up making just an ugly face in attempts to. Totally not cute at all. I told my hubby that it's just annoying- it's like we don't even have a chance at getting pregnant and here is someone who can easily afford to have another child, should consider changing her name to Fertile Mertile, and here they are mad about it! I told my husband that I just felt so frustrated and that it just got to me. Sorry, but his friend has absolutely no sympathy from me.
Totally the wrong time to say this, but my husband then said, "My mom asked me again today when we are having kids." Basically the tears stopped instantly and I was just pissed. Maybe enraged would be a better word. She asks this question to us CONSTANTLY! I recognize that it is partially our faults as we have not shared with our family that we have been trying for a baby and I know that she has good intentions. However, every single time I see my in-laws they ask this question. Like it's no big deal to just pop out a kid. My hubby and I have only been married for 2.5 years and we both work. I have explained to my in-laws countless times that when they are able to quit their jobs and drive over an hour to our home to watch our child Monday through Friday, we'll consider it. Still, they act like it's nothing! I told my hubby that I am going to write a blog about all of the things that if I hear a few more times, I might seriously snap! So look forward to that!
My hubby reminded me that I have a doctor's appointment next week and that I am doing what I can do to allow us to get pregnant. I calmed down a bit and said that I know he's right, it just gets so frustrating sometime. I must have had a lot more frustration and sadness built up than I realized as I just could not hold back tears.
I woke up today and I am not going to lie- I was still annoyed that they are actually pissed about having another child, but I also woke up and realized that it is out of my hands at this point in terms of us getting pregnant. I know that each month I am doing all that I can do and I feel proud about that. I know that we will become parents eventually and like my best friend told me, when it does happen, it will just be so perfect and that baby will be totally worth it. I know she is absolutely right. I think I just need to have more patience which is much easier said than done.
9/11/11
Um...Making Sense of THIS?!
I keep a pocket calender next to my bed. At the suggestion of a pervious doctor, I keep all infomation related to my cycles in it. When I used to temp, I would log my readings in there as well as whenever I got my period. It's basically written in code- if the date is circled, I had my period. If there is a star on the date we had sex, if there is a letter on the bottom right it describes my cervial fluid for the day. Basically, it's super important info.
So last night, I was looking through it to see exactly how many times I have ovulated since starting on this journey. To my shock, it was worse than I thought! I knew I had ovulated three times, but what I did not realize was the first time I ovulated, I got my period three days later. So basically that was a pointless release of an egg!
So here is the history of my cycles, just to give you an idea of how truly BIZARRE they are! If you can make any sense of this, you deserve a medal. Red= period, Purple= ovulated
*Novemeber 2010: Went of all forms of birth control
*February 2011: Called my OBGYN as I had not had a period since going off of BC. She had me come in for some blood work and perscribed me Medroxy Progesterone which started my period.
*April 8th= Had a pap test, all looked well.
*May 3rd= Saw my OBGYN due to how horrible my period was. She said it was just a bad one, but that nothing could be seriously wrong. That appointment was a waste of time and money.
As a side note, here are my cycle lengths:13, 32, 19, 18, 19, 18, 25, 28, 25, 21.
CONCLUSIONS:
1) I have had 10 periods in a total of 8 months.
2) I have ovulated 3 times in a total of 8 months.
3) There is no predictability to when my period might come again- it has a mind of it's own!
4) I think I need Clomid
I am going to bring my little calendar to my doctor's appointment on the 21st and let her see how crazy my periods have been and how little I actually ovulate. Hopefully she can help!
So last night, I was looking through it to see exactly how many times I have ovulated since starting on this journey. To my shock, it was worse than I thought! I knew I had ovulated three times, but what I did not realize was the first time I ovulated, I got my period three days later. So basically that was a pointless release of an egg!
So here is the history of my cycles, just to give you an idea of how truly BIZARRE they are! If you can make any sense of this, you deserve a medal. Red= period, Purple= ovulated
*Novemeber 2010: Went of all forms of birth control
*February 2011: Called my OBGYN as I had not had a period since going off of BC. She had me come in for some blood work and perscribed me Medroxy Progesterone which started my period.
*February 26th-March 2nd= 1st period!
*March 10th-March 19th= 2nd period (and yes, those dates are correct!)
*April 7th= Ovulated for the first time! Lots of stretchy cervical fluid.
*April 8th= Had a pap test, all looked well.
*April 10th-April 22nd= 3rd period, and yes it lasted that long!
*April 28th-May 4th= 4th period. This one was HORRIBLE. I thought I was going to die. Super heavy and painful. Like nothing I have ever had before.
*May 3rd= Saw my OBGYN due to how horrible my period was. She said it was just a bad one, but that nothing could be seriously wrong. That appointment was a waste of time and money.
*May 15th-May 18th= What do you know, I have my period AGAIN! Period number 5.
*June 2nd-June 6th= Period #6.
*June 16th= Ovulated for the second time. Lots of stretchy cervical fluid and BBT match up perfectly for the first time since February. They support the idea that I ovulated.
*June 26th-June 30th= Period #7.
*June 23rd-June 27th= Period #8.
*August 4th= Ovulated! Stretchy CF and a poisitive on an OPK.
*August 16th-August 22nd= Period #9.
*September 5th-September 10th= Period #10.
As a side note, here are my cycle lengths:13, 32, 19, 18, 19, 18, 25, 28, 25, 21.
CONCLUSIONS:
1) I have had 10 periods in a total of 8 months.
2) I have ovulated 3 times in a total of 8 months.
3) There is no predictability to when my period might come again- it has a mind of it's own!
4) I think I need Clomid
I am going to bring my little calendar to my doctor's appointment on the 21st and let her see how crazy my periods have been and how little I actually ovulate. Hopefully she can help!
9/7/11
Latest Step to Getting Some Answers!
I made an appointment with a local Family Doctor to get my blood tested to figure out what the heck is going on... it will be a good starting point anyways. My appointment will be on Wednesday the 21st as soon as they open. I went with a family doctor because they could get me in sooner and because the doctor is a female- something that is really important to me. Plus, it's close by and having just relocated to a new town, convience is key for me.
Back in February I had my blood tested for prolactin and thyroid, all of which came back regular. I'm betting money there is some hormonal thing going on- it is not normal to ovulate only three times in a ten month span nor is it normal to get your period as often as I do. So hopefully come two weeks from today I can find some answers.
I am okay with not getting pregnant right away as long as I feel that I tried all I could try for that month. I will make sure to let you know what the results say!
On a side note, if I were to get pregnant this cycle, our baby would be due around 6-12-12. I have this crazy fascination with typing in the first day of my period into my favorite pregnancy due date calculator ...totally crazy I know, but it is the one good thing I can do in regards to getting my period. Plus, like I said in my first post- I am starting this blog because I know I am crazy about TTC... I am completely aware. And besides, you never know... this could be our month!
Back in February I had my blood tested for prolactin and thyroid, all of which came back regular. I'm betting money there is some hormonal thing going on- it is not normal to ovulate only three times in a ten month span nor is it normal to get your period as often as I do. So hopefully come two weeks from today I can find some answers.
I am okay with not getting pregnant right away as long as I feel that I tried all I could try for that month. I will make sure to let you know what the results say!
On a side note, if I were to get pregnant this cycle, our baby would be due around 6-12-12. I have this crazy fascination with typing in the first day of my period into my favorite pregnancy due date calculator ...totally crazy I know, but it is the one good thing I can do in regards to getting my period. Plus, like I said in my first post- I am starting this blog because I know I am crazy about TTC... I am completely aware. And besides, you never know... this could be our month!
9/5/11
Two Steps Forward, Five Steps Back
The title of this post is how I feel today. It also sums up the past 10 months of TTC pretty accurately.
I woke up to my period.
I have a few things to be annoyed about in regards to this:
1) I got my period on day 20 of my cycle. This means that 20 days ago, I had a period. This is WAY too close together and obviously would piss anyone off. Who wants a period that close together?!
2) I have been using OPKs this past cycle and did not get a positive one on any day and I tried for over a week straight. I would pee on them twice each day (you know, so I don't miss my surge or anything) and still- no positive. Trying to be optimistic, I thought maybe I would just ovulate late this cycle- well clearly that is not the case.
3) Getting my period today confirms that I did not ovulate AT ALL this cycle. I had been ovulating for the past three months, and now nothing. Great, just great.
4) Also over the past three months, I had been lengthening my cycle- previously I had a 24 day cycle, a 28 day cycle, a 25 day cycle, and now a 20 day cycle.... clearly this is a step back!
Well, this concludes without a doubt that I need to go in for blood work. I have been thinking of getting blood work done for awhile now, but I had been making decent progress for the past three months (I had been O'ing and lengthening my cycles) and I was thinking I would give it a few more months until we reached the 1-year mark. I had blood work done in February 2011 and it checked out totally fine. I would be shocked if it checked out totally fine again! I called two different doctor's offices today to see if I could get in to one of them this week, but both were closed for Labor Day. I will try tomorrow morning. At this stage of the game, I feel that there is a severe hormonal imbalance that is messing with me and I need it fixed for my own sanity.
My DH called me from work today and I told him that I had gotten my period. His first response was, "What? So you didn't ovulate this month?" Gosh, I love him. For all the times I talk about weird things going on with my body in relation to us getting pregnant, he totally gets it, and can see the big picture of what getting my period today meant. He is in full support of me going in for blood work, and hopefully we can get some answers and some great meds to help sort this out.
My priorities at this point:
1) To just not have my period so frequently... really, is that so much to ask?!
2) To ovulate each month.
3) To have at least 10 days if not more in my Luteal Phase.
If all of those things could happen, it would be a miracle!! I am so eager to make an appointment for blood work! Is it tomorrow yet??
I woke up to my period.
I have a few things to be annoyed about in regards to this:
1) I got my period on day 20 of my cycle. This means that 20 days ago, I had a period. This is WAY too close together and obviously would piss anyone off. Who wants a period that close together?!
2) I have been using OPKs this past cycle and did not get a positive one on any day and I tried for over a week straight. I would pee on them twice each day (you know, so I don't miss my surge or anything) and still- no positive. Trying to be optimistic, I thought maybe I would just ovulate late this cycle- well clearly that is not the case.
3) Getting my period today confirms that I did not ovulate AT ALL this cycle. I had been ovulating for the past three months, and now nothing. Great, just great.
4) Also over the past three months, I had been lengthening my cycle- previously I had a 24 day cycle, a 28 day cycle, a 25 day cycle, and now a 20 day cycle.... clearly this is a step back!
Well, this concludes without a doubt that I need to go in for blood work. I have been thinking of getting blood work done for awhile now, but I had been making decent progress for the past three months (I had been O'ing and lengthening my cycles) and I was thinking I would give it a few more months until we reached the 1-year mark. I had blood work done in February 2011 and it checked out totally fine. I would be shocked if it checked out totally fine again! I called two different doctor's offices today to see if I could get in to one of them this week, but both were closed for Labor Day. I will try tomorrow morning. At this stage of the game, I feel that there is a severe hormonal imbalance that is messing with me and I need it fixed for my own sanity.
My DH called me from work today and I told him that I had gotten my period. His first response was, "What? So you didn't ovulate this month?" Gosh, I love him. For all the times I talk about weird things going on with my body in relation to us getting pregnant, he totally gets it, and can see the big picture of what getting my period today meant. He is in full support of me going in for blood work, and hopefully we can get some answers and some great meds to help sort this out.
My priorities at this point:
1) To just not have my period so frequently... really, is that so much to ask?!
2) To ovulate each month.
3) To have at least 10 days if not more in my Luteal Phase.
If all of those things could happen, it would be a miracle!! I am so eager to make an appointment for blood work! Is it tomorrow yet??
Depo
I was on Depo for birth control for almost 5 years. This post will be centered around that choice.
I want to try to make this post as positive as I can. I have a lot of icky feelings (frustration, annoyance, "WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING?!!", and occasional anger) that arise when I think back on my birth control choice I made in the past, and I want this post to be informative for my readers more than anything. So to start off, here's the basics:
Great Things About Depo While I Was On It:
1) I did not get a period for almost five years (that was wonderful, not gonna lie).
2) During the past five years, I did not get pregnant.
3) It was easy- a shot every three months in my lower belly.
Horrible Things About Depo Now That I Am Off Of It:
1) My periods are alllll over the place. For months now, I have no predictability. My cycles range from 10 days to 28 days, and absolutely everywhere in between.
2) I cannot get pregnant.
3) My hormones are seriously screwed up.
Now for the back story...
For five years, I was on Depo-Provera for birth control. I would get a shot once every three months in my lower belly and that was it...no need to worry about pregnancy or even a period for that matter! I wanted something easy that I did not need to worry about, and Depo fit my needs well at the time well. I started the shot when I was in my late teens- I was self-centered, not thinking long term, absolutely adored the idea of not having a period, and I wanted something that was convenient. Was I thinking that when I wanted children someday that the Depo shot might postpone that from happening? Of course not! I had researched side effects to the shot and I knew that it could take one year for it to be completely out of my system when the time came to have children. One year- no big deal, right?!
Well year after year, I kept getting the Depo shot as I loved it. As much as I do hate it now, at the time I loved it and it was perfect for me when I needed it. I did not have a single side effect from the shot (no weight gain, no signs of bone loss... absolutely nothing) and so I figured I might as well continue on. Well, flash forward a few years, and I had been on it for almost 5 years straight. When my DH and I really decided to try for a baby, I had a plan to immediately get off of Depo, as I knew that that could be an obstacle. My last shot was in June 2010, meaning it would stay heavily in my system for 3 months. Three months later in September of 2010, I was Depo free and switched over to the birth control pill for three months as recommended by my OB/GYN. She said that since I had not had a period in a loooong time, it was a good idea to be on the birth control pill for three months as it might trigger my body to start having periods again- something crucial when TTC.
Weird as it sounds, while on the birth control pill for those three months, I loved getting my period. I know it is not a "real" period, but having to even use panty liners and tampons was exciting as I felt that my body was doing what it was supposed to do and getting me one step closer to conceiving. (Something I have learned while TTC for the past 10 months is that even little gains such as getting a period after not having one for 5 years is incredibly exciting! For those of you who have not struggled TTC, you probably think I am crazy!)
So for all of September, October, and Novemeber, I took the a little white pill each night before I went to bed, and after taking them for 21 days straight, I would get a period- it was predictable and I was hopeful.
Right around Thanksgiving of 2010, I was done taking birth control pills and off of all contraceptives completely. I count this as our starting point of TTC. The following posts will go into more detail of what has happened since November 2010.
I want to try to make this post as positive as I can. I have a lot of icky feelings (frustration, annoyance, "WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING?!!", and occasional anger) that arise when I think back on my birth control choice I made in the past, and I want this post to be informative for my readers more than anything. So to start off, here's the basics:
Great Things About Depo While I Was On It:
1) I did not get a period for almost five years (that was wonderful, not gonna lie).
2) During the past five years, I did not get pregnant.
3) It was easy- a shot every three months in my lower belly.
Horrible Things About Depo Now That I Am Off Of It:
1) My periods are alllll over the place. For months now, I have no predictability. My cycles range from 10 days to 28 days, and absolutely everywhere in between.
2) I cannot get pregnant.
3) My hormones are seriously screwed up.
Now for the back story...
For five years, I was on Depo-Provera for birth control. I would get a shot once every three months in my lower belly and that was it...no need to worry about pregnancy or even a period for that matter! I wanted something easy that I did not need to worry about, and Depo fit my needs well at the time well. I started the shot when I was in my late teens- I was self-centered, not thinking long term, absolutely adored the idea of not having a period, and I wanted something that was convenient. Was I thinking that when I wanted children someday that the Depo shot might postpone that from happening? Of course not! I had researched side effects to the shot and I knew that it could take one year for it to be completely out of my system when the time came to have children. One year- no big deal, right?!
Well year after year, I kept getting the Depo shot as I loved it. As much as I do hate it now, at the time I loved it and it was perfect for me when I needed it. I did not have a single side effect from the shot (no weight gain, no signs of bone loss... absolutely nothing) and so I figured I might as well continue on. Well, flash forward a few years, and I had been on it for almost 5 years straight. When my DH and I really decided to try for a baby, I had a plan to immediately get off of Depo, as I knew that that could be an obstacle. My last shot was in June 2010, meaning it would stay heavily in my system for 3 months. Three months later in September of 2010, I was Depo free and switched over to the birth control pill for three months as recommended by my OB/GYN. She said that since I had not had a period in a loooong time, it was a good idea to be on the birth control pill for three months as it might trigger my body to start having periods again- something crucial when TTC.
Weird as it sounds, while on the birth control pill for those three months, I loved getting my period. I know it is not a "real" period, but having to even use panty liners and tampons was exciting as I felt that my body was doing what it was supposed to do and getting me one step closer to conceiving. (Something I have learned while TTC for the past 10 months is that even little gains such as getting a period after not having one for 5 years is incredibly exciting! For those of you who have not struggled TTC, you probably think I am crazy!)
So for all of September, October, and Novemeber, I took the a little white pill each night before I went to bed, and after taking them for 21 days straight, I would get a period- it was predictable and I was hopeful.
Right around Thanksgiving of 2010, I was done taking birth control pills and off of all contraceptives completely. I count this as our starting point of TTC. The following posts will go into more detail of what has happened since November 2010.
9/4/11
Abbreviations
You quickly learn while trying to conceive (TTC) that there are billions and billions of abbreviations used. I feel pro at knowing what they mean by now, partly due to how many hours I have spent reading other people's blogs and message boards. For those of you are not so familiar, I have posted some of the ones I may be using below:
2WW–two week wait (post ovulation until beta)
AF–aunt flo (your period)
BBS–boobs
BBT–basal body temperature
BCP–birth control pills
BD–baby dancing (having sex)
BFN–big fat negative (sadly I am really familiar with this term!)
BFP–big fat positive (I would like to be able to use this one...)
CD–cycle day
CM–cervical mucous
DH–dear husband
DPO–days past ovulation
EWCM–egg white cervical mucous
FRED or FRER–first response early detection (peestick)
HPT–home pregnancy test (also called a peestick)
LMP–last menstrual period
LP–luteal phase
O–ovulate (or O’ing)
OB/GYN–obstetrician/gynecologist
OPK–ovulation predictor kit
PG-pregnant
TTC–trying to conceive
2WW–two week wait (post ovulation until beta)
AF–aunt flo (your period)
BBS–boobs
BBT–basal body temperature
BCP–birth control pills
BD–baby dancing (having sex)
BFN–big fat negative (sadly I am really familiar with this term!)
BFP–big fat positive (I would like to be able to use this one...)
CD–cycle day
CM–cervical mucous
DH–dear husband
DPO–days past ovulation
EWCM–egg white cervical mucous
FRED or FRER–first response early detection (peestick)
HPT–home pregnancy test (also called a peestick)
LMP–last menstrual period
LP–luteal phase
O–ovulate (or O’ing)
OB/GYN–obstetrician/gynecologist
OPK–ovulation predictor kit
PG-pregnant
TTC–trying to conceive
9/3/11
In The Beginning
Well here goes nothing...
My husband and I have known each other since I was 17 years old. We started out as friends and over the years it developed into a bit more than a friendship (we all know how this goes...). And today here we are having been "together" for what feels like forever, and officially married for two and a half years. He is my absolute best friend in the world and my biggest supporter. I am so proud of who he is as a person and feel so blessed to be his wife. I will be writing this blog from my perspective, but I feel that it is important to mention him often throughout my blog as he kinda plays a large role in trying for a baby and he is a huge part of my life!
My hubby and I have both always openly discussed having kids someday and neither one of us could picture our future without them. I was totally the crazy girlfriend who always talked about wanting children and lucky me, he didn't get scared and run off. Instead he married me!
We always said that we did not want to get married and have children right away- we wanted to get settled into our careers, I wanted to finish school, and we wanted to be able to enjoy our time with just the two of us. We had watched many of our friends get married and quickly become parents, and we just did not see ourselves doing that. We went on our way, became parents to two puppies, we took trips to the Caribbean, I graduated from college, we both were working in jobs we enjoyed... things were going well. We have always been that couple who has to have things planned out (me more so than my hubby). I HATE surprises and I get instantly irritated if anything comes up last minute. Having a baby would be a major event that would obviously require a lot of careful planning and timing.
Fast forward one year and a half after we were married, and guess what? The syndrome known as "baby fever" hit me, and it hit me hard. Out of nowhere. The funny thing was, it felt like the absolute perfect timing. I remember talking to my husband during the Summer of 2010 and seeing how he would feel if we were to start trying for a baby in the upcoming months. To my surprise he said sure and was compleatly on board- no coaxing involved! Because I have to plan EVERYTHING (see previous paragraph), I decided to go off of the birth control I was on at the time (Depo), and have my last injection in June 2010. This would mean that in September 2010, I would be off of birth control. (Look forward to an entire post about this birth control choice coming soon!)
I knew nothing about how to get pregnant and started to educate myself (what the heck is ovulation? What do you mean I only have a 20% chance of conceiving each month? Really, sperm can live for up to three days)? While reading up on stuff, I realized that there was quite an art to getting pregnant. In September 2010 I went on the birth control pill for three months to bring my period back and try to regulate it since I had not had a period in four years or some crazy time like that- not that I am complaining. In November of 2010 we officially started trying as we were off of all forms of birth control.
This blog will recap our journey thus far and everything else that is to come. Clearly, we are not pregnant yet nor have we ever been. This not only causes frustration, occasional disappointment, being tired of having sex so often, but sometimes I feel that I am going to go crazy. I needed a place to let my thought run wild, and I hope that in the process of doing so, I am able to provide some good reading material to others out there on a journey of their own.
My husband and I have known each other since I was 17 years old. We started out as friends and over the years it developed into a bit more than a friendship (we all know how this goes...). And today here we are having been "together" for what feels like forever, and officially married for two and a half years. He is my absolute best friend in the world and my biggest supporter. I am so proud of who he is as a person and feel so blessed to be his wife. I will be writing this blog from my perspective, but I feel that it is important to mention him often throughout my blog as he kinda plays a large role in trying for a baby and he is a huge part of my life!
My hubby and I have both always openly discussed having kids someday and neither one of us could picture our future without them. I was totally the crazy girlfriend who always talked about wanting children and lucky me, he didn't get scared and run off. Instead he married me!
We always said that we did not want to get married and have children right away- we wanted to get settled into our careers, I wanted to finish school, and we wanted to be able to enjoy our time with just the two of us. We had watched many of our friends get married and quickly become parents, and we just did not see ourselves doing that. We went on our way, became parents to two puppies, we took trips to the Caribbean, I graduated from college, we both were working in jobs we enjoyed... things were going well. We have always been that couple who has to have things planned out (me more so than my hubby). I HATE surprises and I get instantly irritated if anything comes up last minute. Having a baby would be a major event that would obviously require a lot of careful planning and timing.
Fast forward one year and a half after we were married, and guess what? The syndrome known as "baby fever" hit me, and it hit me hard. Out of nowhere. The funny thing was, it felt like the absolute perfect timing. I remember talking to my husband during the Summer of 2010 and seeing how he would feel if we were to start trying for a baby in the upcoming months. To my surprise he said sure and was compleatly on board- no coaxing involved! Because I have to plan EVERYTHING (see previous paragraph), I decided to go off of the birth control I was on at the time (Depo), and have my last injection in June 2010. This would mean that in September 2010, I would be off of birth control. (Look forward to an entire post about this birth control choice coming soon!)
I knew nothing about how to get pregnant and started to educate myself (what the heck is ovulation? What do you mean I only have a 20% chance of conceiving each month? Really, sperm can live for up to three days)? While reading up on stuff, I realized that there was quite an art to getting pregnant. In September 2010 I went on the birth control pill for three months to bring my period back and try to regulate it since I had not had a period in four years or some crazy time like that- not that I am complaining. In November of 2010 we officially started trying as we were off of all forms of birth control.
This blog will recap our journey thus far and everything else that is to come. Clearly, we are not pregnant yet nor have we ever been. This not only causes frustration, occasional disappointment, being tired of having sex so often, but sometimes I feel that I am going to go crazy. I needed a place to let my thought run wild, and I hope that in the process of doing so, I am able to provide some good reading material to others out there on a journey of their own.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)