Follow along the crazy path that my husband and I never expected to take while trying to conceive our first baby.


OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!

Um, it appears that I am pregnant :) Three tests have now confirmed it. SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!

More details to come- once I can settle down and stop freaking out long enough to type!! I got my BFP at 12 DPO, after 100% sure it would be a negative!


The 2WW and I Do Not Get Along

I am so incredibly inpatient. This TTC thing for over a year now is so not my thing, and each month having to go through the 2WW is absolutely torturous! This one especially is horrific as I feel so hopeful for this month, I just wish I could speed up time!

So I am currently 10dpo today and I feel like I may go CRAZY! Being on Progesterone suppositories makes my body act like it is in PMS-mode. It can result in tiredness, mood swings, sore breasts, sore back... basically every pregnancy symptom is mimicked through Proegesterone. Awesome- makes me really over-over analyze each symptom now! (Is this a possible early pregnancy sign? Is this a Progesterone only sign? Could it be both?......).

I have been exhausted beyond belief. For the past four days (I started Progesterone 3 days ago) I honestly feel that I could go to bed at 6pm, and sleep in until noon. I am beat. I can hardly stay awake at work and during my 40 minute communte I feel as though I miught fall asleep. I'm so tired it's to the point I feel that I may have the flu. Even now sitting here typing this, I can barely hold my head up and I have a huge hand print on my face from holding my cheek up.

My back is also killlling me. It hurts so bad that I am considering getting a massage, something I have never done nor ever wanted to do (other people touching me is so not my thing). But everyday, it aches and aches. I can't stand it!

I also keep having dull pains that last a few seconds where my right and left ovary would be. They come and go and are nothing severe, but I have had these since ovulation. Because I spend hours researching early pregnancy symptoms, this leads me to believe something is going on in there.

I also have cold-like symptoms, another early pregnancy sign. My nose gets stuffed up out of nowhere and it will just start running for no reason. Today my eyes just started watering out of nowhere and haven't since! So weird.

My boobs are tender, but I kind of attribute that one for sure to the Progesterone as I only had sore boobs once I started taking it.

Deep down, my gut is telling me I am not pregnant this time. However, I am having signs that I have never had before, and I have seen so many negative tests over the past year, that I feel they are kind of embedded in my brain. I do feel hopeful for this month and feel that I actually have a fair shot at this month! I know everything worked right right up until the sperm met the egg- hopefully that worked perfectly!

I am doing my best to hold out until the 21st to test as it will be 14dpo. Ugh, I don't know what to do with myself until then! I would love to bnever take Femara again, never see my RE again (although I love that place so much I wiash I could go there for every medical iussue). Plus, I would LOVE my baby to be due on July 30th. I want a summer baby so badly.

Time will tell.... Now back to looking at TTC blogs, community boards, and other things on the internet.

November is Brought to you by the Word: Va-Jay-Jay

So I have a lot of updates to give as I have been super busy the past few weeks and have not been able to just sit down, relx, and write on my blog. Here is a recap of the last couple of weeks:

1) I finished my first round of Femara, and it worked well. I went in on cycle day 12 for a vaginal ultrasound to see if Femara had worked. My husband came with me to this appointment, and we were able to see that I had two follicles on my left ovary and one on my right that would result in ovulation. The doctor was so friendly and kind and suggested that I would most likely ovulate and see a positive OPK in three or four days. So if this cycle works- we saw our baby as a little follicle- so precious!

2) Sure enough, three days later on Monday November 7th, I had a positive OPK. At first I wasn't sure if it was positive, as it was almost darker than the control line, but upon further inspection and reading the booklet that came with the tests, it was a positive. That little OPK sat on my kitchen table for about a week. I was so excited it was FINALLY positive! I took pictures of it, sent it to my best friend and my husband, and then called and had a lengthy chat about it with my best friend and my best TTC supporter. I was ecstatic. That day, I also had a small amount of EWCM in my panties, so it all matched up!

3) So desperate times call for desperate measures. I bought Soft Cups to use this cycle. Inserting things into my va-jay-jay (besides a tampon) is waaay waaay waaay out of my comfort zone. But I want a baby more than anything, and Soft Cups sure seem to have a good reputation in the TTC community, so I bought them. I seriously cannot believe people use these things for their period! As a TTC tool, awesome, in place of a tampon- not so much. My hubby and I did the deed that night and then I placed one of those cups in. I was so nervous about it in there that I took it out after three hours. And taking it out is 100 times worse than putting it in!

4) So for the next three days straight we got busy! I think my husband was so over having sex with me by then as he worked long days each day of my fertile window and came home to me, who insisted on fooling around. But he was a good sport! The Soft Cups were used each time and eventually I just left them in all night. I feel so confident that we hit our fertile window perfectly, and I did my best to make sure that the sperm was as close to my cervix as possible. Ok, confession: Soft Cups are not that bad.

5) On Novemeber 12th, I went in for a Progesterone blood draw to see where my levels were at. I went in 5dpo instead of 7dpo because historically, I always get my period 9-10 dpo. I got my results back that day (see, my RE's office is just amazing! I love this place). My levels were at 11, and the nurse said that is great as they want to see them above 10. Well that didn't reassure me much as I know that progesterone levels can ebb and flow. I would have felt better if my levels were a 20 or something!

6) On Monday November 14th, I spoke to a nurse at my RE's office and asked her if I could PLEASE be prescribed Progesterone supplements as I was really worried that if my egg was fertilized, it would not be able to implant due to getting my period always 9-10dpo. The nurse prescribed me a month supply of progesterone suppositories.

7) back to the monthly theme- I now insert a pill into my va-jay-jay each night before bed. Gosh, the crazy things I will do to get pregnant! The pill is not that bad, and I just make sure to wear a pantyliner. It seems that most of the pill gets absorbed by my body as I have very little discharge, which is nice. I have read stories of people who have to insert two pills a day, so I am thankful I just have to do it once.

8) Now I have to wait to test until the 21st, which seems so so so incredibly far away!


Quarter of a Century

So yesterday I turned 25- a whole quarter of a century! I had such a fantastic day and I feel so so so optimistic about the upcoming year! I can't wait to see what is in store. Funny to think at this exact time last year I was thinking I would be pregnant by now- funny how life is not always what you expect. But as I said, I feel the most optimistic I have felt in the last year, and I am grateful and excited for that!

I have taken Femera for 3 full days now- today will be the 4th. And I am so happy to report that I have not had anymore headaches with it, so I am thinking it must have been a fluke. THANK GOD! This time around I am making sure to eat something when I take the pill- maybe that's what cause the horrific headache on day one? Who knows! But absolutely no side effects since day one, which is awesome!

I called my nurse to see about taking medicince with Femera, just to be on the safe side. She said that it is no problem at all, but once you have your IUI you need to only take Tylenol. I was like, "Um, what, I am having an IUI? I don't think I scheduled that!" My husband's sperm hasn't even been tested yet (that will be next month if this month is not successful). The nurse realized she made a mistake and that I was just coming in for an ultrasound.

Buuuuut, it got my husband and I thinking- would IUI be so bad? Maybe that would be a wonderful route to go to stop all the "trying" each month and just get the sperm to the egg in a quick and easy manner. Of course, that is more money. We decided that if this month is not successful, and his sperm analysis comes back with concerns, we will do that route for sure. Otherwise, we'll give it a few more shots.

I also have been to about 20 Targets in my area (ok, more like 3, but still). I love their OPKs because you can pee on them, and they are pretty cheap- like $13 for a week supply. So yesterday I finally found some and stocked up. Let the testing begin next Wednesday is the day!

This period has also been pretty awesome- minus the horrible cramping and headache for day one and two. Other than that, it's as light as can be and I almost forget I have it. A nice surprise considering I skipped all of last month's!

Theme of this cycle is optimistic, thankfulness, and hope! 


Bad Bad Bad Headache...

So yesterday I got home from work around 4:30 and I decided to take my first Femera pill ever. I then made dinner, and my husband and I settled on the couch to finish watching Season 1 of Dexter, which we are now hooked on!

Out of no where, my head started hurting so so badly. It was throbbing above my left eye, and felt like my brain was going to burst out of my head. I do get a lot of migrains and headaches, so I didn't think too much of it. However, it only got worse. It was to the point where my husband said my eyes looked really red and puffy, and I could barely stand up. It was by far the worst pain I have had from a headache in my life. I would give it a 9.5/10 on the pain scale.

I told my husband that maybe I just needed to go to bed and lie in a dark room. So we went up to bed. I called a pharmacist to see if I could mix ibprofun with Femera- he said that I probably could, but might want to take Tylenol. Well I didn't have Tylenol, so I laid a cold washcloth over my head and eyes and tried to tough it out.

I read on the pamphlet that came with my prescription of Femera that I should seek emergency medical attention if a sudden and severe headache came on. Great! I figured I would try to sleep it off, and then if I was unable to fall asleep in two hours, I would go to the ER. 

I couldn't do it. I couldn't fall asleep. It hurt so bad I thought I was going to die. I gave in and took 2 ibprofen and it took the edge off a little bit, allowing me to feel that a trip to the ER was not needed. I did fall asleep, but I woke up about ever hour with my head still hurting. I would just get up, get my washcloth super cold again and then go back to bed.

I woke up this morning, and it was totally better, which was such a relief! I have never had a headache that bad in my whole life.

I'm a bit nervous about taking the second pill today. Hopefully it wasn't a side effect, but just simply as bad headache.


Gigantic Update

Sorry for being MIA for the past two weeks.

So here is an update:

1) I went to my RE appointment on October 12th. My doctor was so incredibly nice and friendly, and she completely understood that I may be young, but I am still struggling with infertility. I felt like weight had been lifted off my shoulders- I actually didn't need to defend myself to this doctor! I had a vaginal ultrasound to see if there were any noticeable concerns inside my uterus or with my fallopian tubes that the ultrasound could pick up. Everything looked perfectly healthy, and get this- I was about to ovulate! And not just one egg, but TWO! I couldn't believe it! The idea of having twins is like my biggest wish right now, so knowing I was releasing 2 eggs was so awesome!

I also had massive amounts of blood drawn to check on hormone levels, thyroid levels... the works. No surprise there, every single thing came back normal.

Icing on the cake- I was prescribed Femera! FINALLY- something to help me ovulate monthly.

2) On October 15th, I swear I felt ovulation pains on my lower right side. I have never felt them before, and part of me was wondering if I was only feeling them because I knew I was ready to ovulate? But I definately felt something sharp that lasted for about an hour. So I'm convinced they were ovulation pains.

3) On October 22nd I picked up my Femera prescription- for 5 pills it cost me $60! I was shocked, but hey- small price to pay for a baby, right? The pharmacist told me that if my doctor can prescribe me Clomid instead, it's only $4 a month- huge difference. I may ask her about this if the first round is not successful on Femera. I could pay less for a year supply of Clomid  than one month of Femera. Everything I have read about Femera seems positive. There are hardly any side effects and it does not dry up your CM like Clomid can. There is a lower chance for multiples (darn it!) and it leaves your body quicker than Clomid does.

4) My period showed up yesterday. Meaning no chance of twins, and no chance of even one baby! Since I missed my last period this one seemed to come with a vengeance and I had awful awful cramps- the kind that hurt so badly you actually sweat. I'm home from work today because I couldn't get out of bed this morning it hurt so bad.I hate you, you stupid period!!

5) So tomorrow I start Femera for the first time. This is kind of an interesting time for me- a year ago, I assumed I would be pregnant by now. I am now on fertility medicine (something almost unheard of in 25 years old, but nevertheless, I am incredibly grateful to be on something that will help me), and most of all, I can not stop thinking: what if this doesn't work? I am trying to be hopeful, as I have each cycle for the past year, but there is this awful feeling of what if this still doesn't work? It's kind of a scary thought.

6) I have to go back to the RE on November 4th, a Friday to have another vaginal ultrasound (just racking up my bill :)  ) and they will look to see if the dosage I was prescribed was enough to make me ovulate. I was prescribed the lowest dosage available (2.5mg). I am excited for this, as typically I ovulate every other month, meaning I am on schedule to not ovulate at all for November. If I still haven't next month, I will be prescribed a higher dose. If that is the case, I also want my husband's sperm tested, just to make sure that isn't the problem. It is something him and I have discussed a lot and he is open to doing it, I basically just need to tell him when. I think if November is not our month, we will get that test done.

7) I am slightly stressing out about the cost of all this! I am currently only working part time, something I do not want to be doing (I was promised my job would become full time, and that was months ago...). I have been checking online to see how much of my first RE appointment will be covered by insurance, and so far all I know is that the total bill is over $1,000 and it is "pending". Add in another ultrasound (don't even know how much that costs...) and then Femera monthly for who knows how long, and possibly a sperm analysis... ah, it's a lot all at once! I know that my husband and I want a baby badly, and we are waiting for the day we can become parents. Absolute any amount of money is worth getting the chance to do that. I just feel a bit overwhelmed I guess at all of the sudden expenses. Lets hope they pay off quickly and we get two lines on a pregnancy test!

8) So now I need to run to Target and get some ovulation predictor kits for this month. Keeping my fingers crossed and praying like crazy THIS is our month :)If I get pregnant this month, our little baby will be due July 30th- a summer baby, which is what I want!


It's Almost Tomorrow!!

And tomorrow is my first appointment with the RE! Cannot wait! If I'm spending $350+ for this appointment, I expect some good answers!

On another note, still no period. Only like 5 million days late.



Lost track of the days it has been since the start of my last period. I think it's day 32. Making my period officially one week late from the "usual/average" 25 day cycles I always have. 32 is still within a normal range, so who knows- it's not a huge concern yet! I've been thinking hard about if I actually ovulated and missed it, and my gut feeling tells me that no, I didn't miss it- it didn't happen. I didn't have a single sign of ovulation and now I don't really have any signs of pregnancy. I could think of some (I had a headache two days ago, I seem hungrier than usual, my stomach was upset all day yesterday) but in reality, none of my syptoms are strictly pregnancy symptoms and could be attributed to a number of things. My boobs don't hurt one bit.

I came home from work yesterday and decided to take a test. I know it wasn't first morning's pee, but I thought, what the heck. When I ordered PreSeed, it came with two pregnancy test strips. I hate those. I like the ones you can pee directly onto- so much easier! But I figured I would use up the last one I had and so I peed into a cup and dipped the stick in there. It was a definate no. And I wasn't surprised at all. I don't feel pregnant. I feel totally normal. Yes, I know that some people feel totally normal and some people get negative OPKs even though they end up pregnant- but for me to actually be pregnant would mean that all of those uncommon things would have had to line up perfcectly.

I'm very realistic, and my chances of being pregnant are slim. I know that and I am okay with that. What I am not okay with, is that my period is a no show. Come on, I was doing so well getting it each month whether I ovulated or not, and now nothing! I'm hoping it just shows up soon so that we can get on to the next round of trying.

I have my appointment with an RE next Wednesday so hopefully she can shed some light on what is going on and how to fix it. I was hoping she could just fix my not-ovulating problem, but now I am hoping she will fix my MIA period as well should I still not have it by then. I have a lot of hopes for this appointment, so I hope I don't end up disappointed. I've been needing help for so long now and no one has been able to actually solve anything, let alone draw some blood. Now that it's been 11 months, I hope they will take me a bit more seriously and get some testing going. Ah, I can't wait for Wednesday :)


Ok- Starting to go nuts!

So I am on cycle day 30! Yes, 30! This is a record. I should get a medal for this! Typically I have 25 day cycles at the most, so 30 is a huge accomplishment. HUGE! I can't seem to get this number out of my head and it makes me think a few things:

1) Um, did my body forget to have a period this month? If so, this could be the biggest setback of all time as I have had periods monthly (if not more than once a month) since February. The chances of this are slim. However, my body does do some strange things, so I'm not totally throwing this idea out.

2) OMG, am I pregnant?! Of course this has crossed my mind!! However, I am 99% sure I did not ovulate at all this month. I have gotten all negative OPKs (and they are clearly negative, the second line has been significantly lighter than the test line- there's no question the tests were negative). However, I know some people use OPKs, get negatives, and end up pregnant. Also, I did not have any EWCM which I have clearly had all three times I have ovulated in the past year. This leads me to beleive I did not ovulate at all. Buuut, I'm not throwing this idea completely out.

3) Wait, is it possible I ovulated later in my cycle?! I did not use OPKs later in my cycle. I tested during what should be my fertile window, received all negatives, and stopped testing as I expected my period. I did not have EWCM, but what if I ovulated later in my cycle without EWCM. Is it even possible to ovulate without EWCM?? Could this result in a late period?

4) Oh great, this period will be one for the records. If I haven't gotten it yet, I am slightly scared that when I do get it, it will be a whole-tampon-box-and-500-pads-kind-of-period. You know, where it's so heavy you find yourself in the tampon isle multiple times during your period? I am praying so so so hard that if I do get my period, it isn't too awful. Doesn't help that everyday when my hubby and I discuss if I've gotten my period yet (and yes, we discuss this daily!) he reminds me that if it does come, it will probably be really bad (wow, he knows my body pretty well!). Historically, when it's ever slightly off, it's BAD!

Ok, so why don't I just take a HPT and rule out idea #2? Well because I truly don't feel pregnant and I don't want to see a negative. I figure I will give it a few more days and test on either Friday or Saturday if I still do not have my period. If I've learned anything over the past year of TTC it is that my body has it's own agenda and does things completely unexpected. Historically, every time I have peed on a HPT, I have gotten my period the same day, and I don't want that to be the case. I have Thursday-Sunday off from work this week, so I figure if I can get through my last day of work tomorrow and then test on Thursday or Friday should my period still be MIA, I won't be thinking of the result while at work- whether a negative or a positive.

So now I go back to the waiting game...


Relaxing Sunday

Basically it was relaxing becase I still DO NOT HAVE MY PERIOD! This cycle is awesome. Even if I did not ovulate (according to millions of OPKs I used throughout September of which not one was positive), I am having a normal-length cycle. I am on cycle day 28 now!

Gosh, if this keeps up, I might turn all crazy and start peeing on pregnancy tests :) I don't feel like I am going to get my period anytime soon, but I also do not feel that I am pregnant either. I am 99.9% sure that I did not ovulate all of September, so maybe my body is just realizing that having short cycles is not doing any good. I did not have any EWCM or a positive OPK.

I am enjoying celebrating the small things :) 28 days sounds great to me!