Um, just had to create a short blog to say..... I'M ON CYCLE DAY 27! Yes, you read that right, 27! No sign of my period today either. I have now made it 6 whole entire days past what I did last cycle. This is just so awesome!
Since I started trying TTC, I have had one cycle that was 28 days, so this takes a close second so far. Who knows, maybe it will tie or even break the previous record. I might just pass out then from overwhelming happiness!
I have a lot to be thankful for this cycle and I am feeling so great about the whole month of October. Maybe this will be our month! That would make a great birthday gift, as I turn a quarter of a century at the end of the month.
10/1/11
9/30/11
26!! 26!! 26!!
So it is cycle day... 26 for me, and guess what? No sign of my period this morning!! Whenever I get my period, I always have it upon waking up, so I am counting today as a wonderful day since it is no where in sight. Making it 26 days is definitely something to celebrate, as my last cycle was 21 days. Basically that is a gigantic leap. I will have to look, but 26 days is definitely one of the longest cycles I have had in the past year. Who knows, with my crazy body I may just get my period later today, but that would just be bizarre as I have never in my life gotten it mid day.
Maybe next month I will continue to have longer cycles AND ovulate! That would be a miracle :) If only my body could learn to be consistent, life would be so simple!
Maybe next month I will continue to have longer cycles AND ovulate! That would be a miracle :) If only my body could learn to be consistent, life would be so simple!
9/28/11
Septemeber Cycle
Although I did not ovulate this month whatsoever, I am currently on cycle day 24, which is a huge achievement for me! I am expecting my period any day now, but the fact that I am having cycles lasting 20+ days is so so so wonderful and definitely something to celebrate! Last month I had a 21 day cycle, so this cycle is kicking it's butt!
Now if my body could just keep up these longer cycles each month and then ovulate too, things would be perfect :)
Now if my body could just keep up these longer cycles each month and then ovulate too, things would be perfect :)
Bad News Turns Into Great News!
My doctor's office called me back yesterday letting me know that Dr. R had reviewed my records and that she was referring me to an infertility speciailits at an OB/GYN office that partners with her family practice. I was thrilled to hear that I was finally being referred to someone who could actually perscribe me something or at the very least give me appropriate next steps. I'm all about being proactive to get my body to ovulate and FINALLY I feel like I am headed in the right direction.
So I immediately called over to the OB/GYN office and planned to schedule an appointment with the specialist. The receptionist told me that the clinic has 2 infertility specialists and that they were both a bit booked out. I told her that was fine, I just wanted the soonest available appointment. After a few moments, the receptionist told me that the earliest I could get in would be January 18th, 2012! I thought she was kidding!! She then told me that the other doctor was booked out through March, so that January wasn't that bad!! Um, but January is a third of a year away! I thought I was going to cry, and if I were not at work, I probably would have. I told her I would take the appointment and that if anything opened up sooner, I would totally take it. She told me that that list was long too (of course it is!) But seriously, January was a ridiculous time frame, and I refuse to wait 4 months after I've already waited a year. Plus, both doctor's were male, which I don't like. I do not think I would feel comfortable with a man staring at my vagina should he need to see it! However, I feel desperate at this point to see SOMEONE, so who cares that he's male. I can't always get my way.
After venting like crazy last night and all this morning to my husband and my wonderful friend, I decided that January would not do, and I would find someone else who could get me in sooner, even if it meant calling around all day.
So this morning, I started by calling my old OB/GYN office in the city I used to live in to see if they knew of anyone else that I could see, even if it meant driving back up to where I used to live. The nurse I spoke with could not beleive that I could not get in until January and said she has never heard of that! (So I guess it wasn't just me being impatient- it was a ridiculous amount of time to wait!) She was so sweet and so helpful and gave me the names of a bunch of people who I could call, including one that is in my county. Gosh, I love that nurse!
After hanging up with her, I called to see what the wait list would like for the place closest to my new home. The receptionist there was so nice too and told me that it was a bit of a wait also, but not anywhere close to January. I was thinking maybe November-ish. She asked if I prefered a male or female doctor, (already I loved this place since they asked my preference) so I told her a female, unles the wait was significantly longer. She told me that the wait was a little bit longer, and that I could not be seen until October 12th, 2011. I almost died!! That's 2 weeks away -2 WEEKS!!- opposed to 4 whole months and with a female doctor!! I was overjoyed. The visit will be a consultation visit and last for an hour. The nurse said that I should call my insurance company to see what they cover as the first appointment is $350, and if my insurance won't cover it, I will need to pay at the time of my visit.
So then I called my insurance company. I was told that they will cover all testing for diagnosis of infertility, but not treatments (what the heck- this makes no sense to me, but ok!). I'm just grateful they cover some of the process! Because I believe that I simply have a problem ovulating and that my cycles are too short (which meds can fix), I'm not too worried about the expense at this point. It's nice to know that my consultation visit is completely covered.
Oh man, I cannot wait until October 12th! I am hoping to actually get the wheels in motion and start releasing some eggs- hopefully I can start ovulating more than three times a year! That's my goal at this point.
So I immediately called over to the OB/GYN office and planned to schedule an appointment with the specialist. The receptionist told me that the clinic has 2 infertility specialists and that they were both a bit booked out. I told her that was fine, I just wanted the soonest available appointment. After a few moments, the receptionist told me that the earliest I could get in would be January 18th, 2012! I thought she was kidding!! She then told me that the other doctor was booked out through March, so that January wasn't that bad!! Um, but January is a third of a year away! I thought I was going to cry, and if I were not at work, I probably would have. I told her I would take the appointment and that if anything opened up sooner, I would totally take it. She told me that that list was long too (of course it is!) But seriously, January was a ridiculous time frame, and I refuse to wait 4 months after I've already waited a year. Plus, both doctor's were male, which I don't like. I do not think I would feel comfortable with a man staring at my vagina should he need to see it! However, I feel desperate at this point to see SOMEONE, so who cares that he's male. I can't always get my way.
After venting like crazy last night and all this morning to my husband and my wonderful friend, I decided that January would not do, and I would find someone else who could get me in sooner, even if it meant calling around all day.
So this morning, I started by calling my old OB/GYN office in the city I used to live in to see if they knew of anyone else that I could see, even if it meant driving back up to where I used to live. The nurse I spoke with could not beleive that I could not get in until January and said she has never heard of that! (So I guess it wasn't just me being impatient- it was a ridiculous amount of time to wait!) She was so sweet and so helpful and gave me the names of a bunch of people who I could call, including one that is in my county. Gosh, I love that nurse!
After hanging up with her, I called to see what the wait list would like for the place closest to my new home. The receptionist there was so nice too and told me that it was a bit of a wait also, but not anywhere close to January. I was thinking maybe November-ish. She asked if I prefered a male or female doctor, (already I loved this place since they asked my preference) so I told her a female, unles the wait was significantly longer. She told me that the wait was a little bit longer, and that I could not be seen until October 12th, 2011. I almost died!! That's 2 weeks away -2 WEEKS!!- opposed to 4 whole months and with a female doctor!! I was overjoyed. The visit will be a consultation visit and last for an hour. The nurse said that I should call my insurance company to see what they cover as the first appointment is $350, and if my insurance won't cover it, I will need to pay at the time of my visit.
So then I called my insurance company. I was told that they will cover all testing for diagnosis of infertility, but not treatments (what the heck- this makes no sense to me, but ok!). I'm just grateful they cover some of the process! Because I believe that I simply have a problem ovulating and that my cycles are too short (which meds can fix), I'm not too worried about the expense at this point. It's nice to know that my consultation visit is completely covered.
Oh man, I cannot wait until October 12th! I am hoping to actually get the wheels in motion and start releasing some eggs- hopefully I can start ovulating more than three times a year! That's my goal at this point.
9/21/11
First One To Admit I'm Crazy
I came across a list while browsing the Internet today for TTC websites (sadly this has become a hobby of mine) that explains all the crazy signs of TTC couples. This list was too good not to share, and sadly, INCREDIBLY accurate of my situation! I am almost embarrassed to admit that this list describes me perfectly, but you know what... this whole TTC business totally makes me crazy! I have added in a few of my personal crazy things. Enjoy!
You know you're TTC when...
- You show everyone who will look at your BBT charts and frequently try to analyze them. You always have a reason why they look all crazy and make no sense ("oooh, that there is a possibly implantation dip" or "yeah, I didn't sleep well that night, so that weird line must be wrong!")
-Clearly that's not my period- oh my gosh, I think it's implantation bleeding! It's a sad moment when you realize you need more than just a pantyliner!
-You spend HOURS looking at TTC websites. Hours.
- The Big 'O' no longer refers to orgasm, but instead to ovulation
- Every twinge is a potential sign: ovulation pain OR perhaps implantation
- It no longer strikes you as the least bit odd to check out at Target with both HPTs and tampons in your cart.
-You know every early pregnancy sign there is. And funny enough, you have almost all of them during the 2ww!
- If your OPK comes up +, you cancel all social engagements that night so you can BD & lie with your legs elevated and butt up in the air afterward. You basically obsess over when you will be able to DTD
- You talk using mysterious acronyms that only your TTC buddies understand: TTC, BD, EWCM, BBT, DH, 2WW...
- You suddenly become more of a morning person because you know that you will be able to take your temperature. Who knows, it may show that you ovulated or implanted!
- You refuse to finish decorating that 3rd bedroom in your new home because you can't stand the thought of getting it just the way you want it only to have to tear it apart next month in order to make room for the nursery you'll be needing.
- When planning a vacation you have to think how far along you might be by then, because of course you'll be pregnant by that time!
- You actually look through the weekly ads that come in the mail to see if there are any coupons for OPKs or HPTs that you can cut out.
- You're so excited to go to the doctor hoping they will give you something to help you get pregnant!
- You spend more on OPKs, HPTs, and fertility supplements than you do on clothes
- A wonderful thing about getting your period means you can Google when your baby will be born should you get pregnant that cycle.
-You take OPKs out of the garbage can hours later because you might have misread them. The more you think about it, it could have been a positive!
-You order special lube online that is safe for TTC couples and may even help carry the sperm to the egg. Doesn't matter that it costs over $20 for a teeny tiny tube.
-The thought of nausea makes your heart skip a beat!
- You make a mental note of what day of your cycle it is before you say "ok" to a drink
- You get sick but make sure you can take the medicine in case you are pregnant...and would rather stay sick if you can't take the medicine.
- You refer (and think) of your husband, not as his real name, but as the letters "DH" in real life
-You totally know how you're going to design a nursery for either a boy or girl.
-At any given day you know what cycle day you're on.
- You would totally love to have multiples! The idea of triplets suddenly doesn't seem so bad and of course it would work out perfectly.
-You actually bought a gift to give to your husband to tell him you're pregnant. Who cares if it's been sitting in a hiding spot for a looooong time.
- You suffer silently from Infertility Vision (IV) - defined as the ability to see pink lines that nobody else can see. It's a very common condition among POASers during the days leading up to the official test day. Research is still being done, but at present there is no cure for it!
I am totally willing to admit that I am crazy. At least I can have fun with it!
I Love Helpful People!
So today I had my much anticipated appointment with a family doctor in my town. My hubby and I just moved to a new county, so I figured I might as well pick a new doctor so that I do not have to drive over an hour to see my old one. Plus my old doctor kinda pissed me off frequently and I felt that she never really took me seriously. In my previous post about all the sayings that annoy me, she would say every one of those basically- except the grandkid one! So a new doctor sounded like a great idea to me!
When I made the appointment a few weeks ago, the front desk staff asked if I preferred a male or female doctor. I'm kind of weird about this sort of thing, as I only want women doctors. I just would not feel comfortable talking to a man about my periods or lack of ovulation, of showing him my va-jay-jay. Plus, I feel that a women can relate more to my situation than a man.
So when I got to my appointment, they did the usual- weighed me, took my height, had me fill out paperwork.... My doctor knocked on the examine door to come in, and I did not really know what to expect, as I had never met her, but I did not expect what I saw. Dr. R was really tall, African American, dressed up like she was going on the most important date of her life (little black dress with stilletos and a fancy hair do), and must have been from the deep South as she had a thick, thick accent. She was very friendly, and asked me to share why I was there and kind of the history of my reproductive system, which is always a great story!
Well my history is not explained in a 5 minute segment, so we talked for about half an hour. She listened to what I said and took notes on her computer and asked me questions to get me to elaborate. Bottom line, I explained to her that for basically the past year (ok, I know it's been 10 months, but whatever- a year is close enough) I have been keeping track of all of my cycles and when I ovulate, and I have found that I do not ovulate regularly, and in fact have only done so three times since November. One of the times I ovulated, I got my period three days later, so it was an absolute complete waste of an egg. I also explained that my cycles vary from 18 days to 25. The look on her face when I explained this was priceless- she basically looked horrified. I said, "Yeah I know, it sucks to get my period all the time! I finish up with one, have a one to two week break, and start up again."
Yes, she totally pulled the age card on me and explained that I am lucky to have my age on my side and that I should be hopeful as medicince can make 60 year olds have babies. I explained to her that I am not in a hurry to get pregnant necessarily, and that I am hopeful, I just want to make sure that I am doing all I can each month and that I actually have a shot at becoming a mom. Because right now, the reality is I do not have a chance due to lack of ovulating and short luetal phase when I do ovulate.
Dr. R said the next steps would be to request my records from my old doctor (which I CANNOT believe I forgot to do ahead of time!). She wants to look them over to make sure that she does not repeat any blood work I have had recently or repeat anything else, such as a Pap test, as my insurance company won't cover repeated tests (this I appreciate so so so much). She then said that after looking over my records she would consult with an OB/GYN as to the appropriate next steps. Dr. R let me know that I would most likely need a few more blood tests,which I could do at the family practice, but then I would be turned over to an OB/GYN who would most likely prescribe me Clomid (YES!).
So today really did not feel all that productive- I did not come home with a Clomid prescription, which would have been best case scenario, but things are moving in the right direction, which is something I am grateful for and have not been able to say until now. I love my new doctor and feel that she listened well to my concerns and took them seriously. I am grateful that she wants to take the time to learn more about my history and what appropriate next steps to take.
Annnd because I am so impatient, I called my old doctor's office and asked if they could send my records over ASAP. I'd like to get the ball moving sooner than later. Plus, if I do get prescribed Clomid, I am hoping it will be within the time frame of my next few cycles (at this stage, I am hoping to be taking Clomid by Christmas- that's a totally reasonable time frame I think). I will keep you posted once I get a call back from Dr. R about next steps. Overall, today was a good day and I am getting one step closer, thanks to my helpful doctor. I love helpful people!
When I made the appointment a few weeks ago, the front desk staff asked if I preferred a male or female doctor. I'm kind of weird about this sort of thing, as I only want women doctors. I just would not feel comfortable talking to a man about my periods or lack of ovulation, of showing him my va-jay-jay. Plus, I feel that a women can relate more to my situation than a man.
So when I got to my appointment, they did the usual- weighed me, took my height, had me fill out paperwork.... My doctor knocked on the examine door to come in, and I did not really know what to expect, as I had never met her, but I did not expect what I saw. Dr. R was really tall, African American, dressed up like she was going on the most important date of her life (little black dress with stilletos and a fancy hair do), and must have been from the deep South as she had a thick, thick accent. She was very friendly, and asked me to share why I was there and kind of the history of my reproductive system, which is always a great story!
Well my history is not explained in a 5 minute segment, so we talked for about half an hour. She listened to what I said and took notes on her computer and asked me questions to get me to elaborate. Bottom line, I explained to her that for basically the past year (ok, I know it's been 10 months, but whatever- a year is close enough) I have been keeping track of all of my cycles and when I ovulate, and I have found that I do not ovulate regularly, and in fact have only done so three times since November. One of the times I ovulated, I got my period three days later, so it was an absolute complete waste of an egg. I also explained that my cycles vary from 18 days to 25. The look on her face when I explained this was priceless- she basically looked horrified. I said, "Yeah I know, it sucks to get my period all the time! I finish up with one, have a one to two week break, and start up again."
Yes, she totally pulled the age card on me and explained that I am lucky to have my age on my side and that I should be hopeful as medicince can make 60 year olds have babies. I explained to her that I am not in a hurry to get pregnant necessarily, and that I am hopeful, I just want to make sure that I am doing all I can each month and that I actually have a shot at becoming a mom. Because right now, the reality is I do not have a chance due to lack of ovulating and short luetal phase when I do ovulate.
Dr. R said the next steps would be to request my records from my old doctor (which I CANNOT believe I forgot to do ahead of time!). She wants to look them over to make sure that she does not repeat any blood work I have had recently or repeat anything else, such as a Pap test, as my insurance company won't cover repeated tests (this I appreciate so so so much). She then said that after looking over my records she would consult with an OB/GYN as to the appropriate next steps. Dr. R let me know that I would most likely need a few more blood tests,which I could do at the family practice, but then I would be turned over to an OB/GYN who would most likely prescribe me Clomid (YES!).
So today really did not feel all that productive- I did not come home with a Clomid prescription, which would have been best case scenario, but things are moving in the right direction, which is something I am grateful for and have not been able to say until now. I love my new doctor and feel that she listened well to my concerns and took them seriously. I am grateful that she wants to take the time to learn more about my history and what appropriate next steps to take.
Annnd because I am so impatient, I called my old doctor's office and asked if they could send my records over ASAP. I'd like to get the ball moving sooner than later. Plus, if I do get prescribed Clomid, I am hoping it will be within the time frame of my next few cycles (at this stage, I am hoping to be taking Clomid by Christmas- that's a totally reasonable time frame I think). I will keep you posted once I get a call back from Dr. R about next steps. Overall, today was a good day and I am getting one step closer, thanks to my helpful doctor. I love helpful people!
9/13/11
If I Hear This One More Time...
I have compiled a list of phrases that if I hear any one of them even one more time, I might seriously snap.
2) You're still young.
I almost slapped my old OB/GYN in the face for repeatedly saying this to me. While she sat there with her cute pregnant belly and she was young too. My husband has had his head chewed off a few times for saying this same line to me. Do you think that I do not know that I am young? Thank you for pointing out the obvious! Age aside, I am still struggling with getting pregnant. I would like to be treated as someone struggling with infertility and feel that my concerns are heard.
3) When are you guys having kids?
To the innocent people who do not know that we have been trying, I am completely fine with this question. My hubby and I usually respond with something vague, such as "sooner than later" or "within the next few years." However, to the people who ask me this on a regular basis, back off. It's annoying as hell and guess what- my answer hasn't changed!
4) When are you going to have our grandkids?
Thankfully, this question has never come out of the mouths of my parents, only my in-laws. Like I said in my previous post, I know that they are good intentioned and are just excited for us. However, this question occurs sooo often. And the answer is ALWAYS the same! I constantly tell them that the second we find out that we are pregnant, they will know for sure! It's almost like they think we won't tell them or something?! Who knows. I just know it's annoying.
5) I cannot beleive how fast we got pregnant!
This just creates jealousy. Must be nice! I am truely excited for friend's of mine who had quick conceptions, don't get me wrong. I just wish that were my case!
6) You need to wait a full year.
I have issues with not ovulating and getting my periods really close together. Who cares how long I wait... it is yet to get any better after 10 months. I understand that people's body can change over the course of a year, but I wish some doctors would have at least addressed my concerns. Instead, I have felt that they don't even want to hear anything until it has been a year.
Just had to get that out. These phrases make me feel so defensive. I know that people say them with good intentions, but it still makes it hard to hear and hard to respond to. So if you say one of these to me, please be understanding if I snap back at you.
1) Don't stress.
Oddly enough, everyone who says this has a child already. Do you really think I want to be stressed about it, or that I am choosing to be? 2) You're still young.
I almost slapped my old OB/GYN in the face for repeatedly saying this to me. While she sat there with her cute pregnant belly and she was young too. My husband has had his head chewed off a few times for saying this same line to me. Do you think that I do not know that I am young? Thank you for pointing out the obvious! Age aside, I am still struggling with getting pregnant. I would like to be treated as someone struggling with infertility and feel that my concerns are heard.
3) When are you guys having kids?
To the innocent people who do not know that we have been trying, I am completely fine with this question. My hubby and I usually respond with something vague, such as "sooner than later" or "within the next few years." However, to the people who ask me this on a regular basis, back off. It's annoying as hell and guess what- my answer hasn't changed!
4) When are you going to have our grandkids?
Thankfully, this question has never come out of the mouths of my parents, only my in-laws. Like I said in my previous post, I know that they are good intentioned and are just excited for us. However, this question occurs sooo often. And the answer is ALWAYS the same! I constantly tell them that the second we find out that we are pregnant, they will know for sure! It's almost like they think we won't tell them or something?! Who knows. I just know it's annoying.
5) I cannot beleive how fast we got pregnant!
This just creates jealousy. Must be nice! I am truely excited for friend's of mine who had quick conceptions, don't get me wrong. I just wish that were my case!
6) You need to wait a full year.
I have issues with not ovulating and getting my periods really close together. Who cares how long I wait... it is yet to get any better after 10 months. I understand that people's body can change over the course of a year, but I wish some doctors would have at least addressed my concerns. Instead, I have felt that they don't even want to hear anything until it has been a year.
Just had to get that out. These phrases make me feel so defensive. I know that people say them with good intentions, but it still makes it hard to hear and hard to respond to. So if you say one of these to me, please be understanding if I snap back at you.
Pity Party At My House
So last night was not a good night. And for basically a stupid reason. Let's blame it on being tired.
I came home from work, changed into sweats, got dinner together for my husband and me, played with my puppies, and watched the season finale of Design Star (seriously, Meg-The-Smoker-Voice won?!) I grabbed the clean laundry that had been sitting in the dryer for way too many days and went upstairs to put it away. While I was upstairs, my husband's phone rang and it was his good friend from high school who he had not heard from in awhile.
While I was upstairs putting laundry away, I could hear my husband ending his conversation and saying goodbye. He immediately yelled upstairs to me, "Guess what? I have some news." I yelled back down, "What?" and he went on to tell me that his good friend and his wife were pregnant again, and that it was a total accident. My hubby then said that his friend's wife was not happy about it and really pissed off.
Upstairs, I was just instantly annoyed. My hubby's friend has a wonderful life on the surface- a lovely custom made home, nice cars, dream jobs, the nicest of absolutely everything, a one-year-old, and they travel constantly. They live a life that I do not necessarily wish I had as I am very content with my own, but they are able to do things with ease that my hubby and I have to work really hard for...baby included. Now, they are having another kiddo, and they are mad about it?? Um, this basically put me over the edge.
After I finished putting laundry away, I came down and sat on the couch by my husband. I told him that I could not believe that she was mad about being pregnant and that I did not feel sorry for her at all. After all, pregnancy is completely preventable and if she did not want to get pregnant, she should have done something about that.
And then out of no where, I burst into tears. For the first time since starting on this pregnancy journey, I cried about it. My husband was really sweet and said, "Don't cry, it will happen for us, we basically just started trying. It's not a big deal." I tried to stop the tears, but I just couldn't. I ended up making just an ugly face in attempts to. Totally not cute at all. I told my hubby that it's just annoying- it's like we don't even have a chance at getting pregnant and here is someone who can easily afford to have another child, should consider changing her name to Fertile Mertile, and here they are mad about it! I told my husband that I just felt so frustrated and that it just got to me. Sorry, but his friend has absolutely no sympathy from me.
Totally the wrong time to say this, but my husband then said, "My mom asked me again today when we are having kids." Basically the tears stopped instantly and I was just pissed. Maybe enraged would be a better word. She asks this question to us CONSTANTLY! I recognize that it is partially our faults as we have not shared with our family that we have been trying for a baby and I know that she has good intentions. However, every single time I see my in-laws they ask this question. Like it's no big deal to just pop out a kid. My hubby and I have only been married for 2.5 years and we both work. I have explained to my in-laws countless times that when they are able to quit their jobs and drive over an hour to our home to watch our child Monday through Friday, we'll consider it. Still, they act like it's nothing! I told my hubby that I am going to write a blog about all of the things that if I hear a few more times, I might seriously snap! So look forward to that!
My hubby reminded me that I have a doctor's appointment next week and that I am doing what I can do to allow us to get pregnant. I calmed down a bit and said that I know he's right, it just gets so frustrating sometime. I must have had a lot more frustration and sadness built up than I realized as I just could not hold back tears.
I woke up today and I am not going to lie- I was still annoyed that they are actually pissed about having another child, but I also woke up and realized that it is out of my hands at this point in terms of us getting pregnant. I know that each month I am doing all that I can do and I feel proud about that. I know that we will become parents eventually and like my best friend told me, when it does happen, it will just be so perfect and that baby will be totally worth it. I know she is absolutely right. I think I just need to have more patience which is much easier said than done.
I came home from work, changed into sweats, got dinner together for my husband and me, played with my puppies, and watched the season finale of Design Star (seriously, Meg-The-Smoker-Voice won?!) I grabbed the clean laundry that had been sitting in the dryer for way too many days and went upstairs to put it away. While I was upstairs, my husband's phone rang and it was his good friend from high school who he had not heard from in awhile.
While I was upstairs putting laundry away, I could hear my husband ending his conversation and saying goodbye. He immediately yelled upstairs to me, "Guess what? I have some news." I yelled back down, "What?" and he went on to tell me that his good friend and his wife were pregnant again, and that it was a total accident. My hubby then said that his friend's wife was not happy about it and really pissed off.
Upstairs, I was just instantly annoyed. My hubby's friend has a wonderful life on the surface- a lovely custom made home, nice cars, dream jobs, the nicest of absolutely everything, a one-year-old, and they travel constantly. They live a life that I do not necessarily wish I had as I am very content with my own, but they are able to do things with ease that my hubby and I have to work really hard for...baby included. Now, they are having another kiddo, and they are mad about it?? Um, this basically put me over the edge.
After I finished putting laundry away, I came down and sat on the couch by my husband. I told him that I could not believe that she was mad about being pregnant and that I did not feel sorry for her at all. After all, pregnancy is completely preventable and if she did not want to get pregnant, she should have done something about that.
And then out of no where, I burst into tears. For the first time since starting on this pregnancy journey, I cried about it. My husband was really sweet and said, "Don't cry, it will happen for us, we basically just started trying. It's not a big deal." I tried to stop the tears, but I just couldn't. I ended up making just an ugly face in attempts to. Totally not cute at all. I told my hubby that it's just annoying- it's like we don't even have a chance at getting pregnant and here is someone who can easily afford to have another child, should consider changing her name to Fertile Mertile, and here they are mad about it! I told my husband that I just felt so frustrated and that it just got to me. Sorry, but his friend has absolutely no sympathy from me.
Totally the wrong time to say this, but my husband then said, "My mom asked me again today when we are having kids." Basically the tears stopped instantly and I was just pissed. Maybe enraged would be a better word. She asks this question to us CONSTANTLY! I recognize that it is partially our faults as we have not shared with our family that we have been trying for a baby and I know that she has good intentions. However, every single time I see my in-laws they ask this question. Like it's no big deal to just pop out a kid. My hubby and I have only been married for 2.5 years and we both work. I have explained to my in-laws countless times that when they are able to quit their jobs and drive over an hour to our home to watch our child Monday through Friday, we'll consider it. Still, they act like it's nothing! I told my hubby that I am going to write a blog about all of the things that if I hear a few more times, I might seriously snap! So look forward to that!
My hubby reminded me that I have a doctor's appointment next week and that I am doing what I can do to allow us to get pregnant. I calmed down a bit and said that I know he's right, it just gets so frustrating sometime. I must have had a lot more frustration and sadness built up than I realized as I just could not hold back tears.
I woke up today and I am not going to lie- I was still annoyed that they are actually pissed about having another child, but I also woke up and realized that it is out of my hands at this point in terms of us getting pregnant. I know that each month I am doing all that I can do and I feel proud about that. I know that we will become parents eventually and like my best friend told me, when it does happen, it will just be so perfect and that baby will be totally worth it. I know she is absolutely right. I think I just need to have more patience which is much easier said than done.
9/11/11
Um...Making Sense of THIS?!
I keep a pocket calender next to my bed. At the suggestion of a pervious doctor, I keep all infomation related to my cycles in it. When I used to temp, I would log my readings in there as well as whenever I got my period. It's basically written in code- if the date is circled, I had my period. If there is a star on the date we had sex, if there is a letter on the bottom right it describes my cervial fluid for the day. Basically, it's super important info.
So last night, I was looking through it to see exactly how many times I have ovulated since starting on this journey. To my shock, it was worse than I thought! I knew I had ovulated three times, but what I did not realize was the first time I ovulated, I got my period three days later. So basically that was a pointless release of an egg!
So here is the history of my cycles, just to give you an idea of how truly BIZARRE they are! If you can make any sense of this, you deserve a medal. Red= period, Purple= ovulated
*Novemeber 2010: Went of all forms of birth control
*February 2011: Called my OBGYN as I had not had a period since going off of BC. She had me come in for some blood work and perscribed me Medroxy Progesterone which started my period.
*April 8th= Had a pap test, all looked well.
*May 3rd= Saw my OBGYN due to how horrible my period was. She said it was just a bad one, but that nothing could be seriously wrong. That appointment was a waste of time and money.
As a side note, here are my cycle lengths:13, 32, 19, 18, 19, 18, 25, 28, 25, 21.
CONCLUSIONS:
1) I have had 10 periods in a total of 8 months.
2) I have ovulated 3 times in a total of 8 months.
3) There is no predictability to when my period might come again- it has a mind of it's own!
4) I think I need Clomid
I am going to bring my little calendar to my doctor's appointment on the 21st and let her see how crazy my periods have been and how little I actually ovulate. Hopefully she can help!
So last night, I was looking through it to see exactly how many times I have ovulated since starting on this journey. To my shock, it was worse than I thought! I knew I had ovulated three times, but what I did not realize was the first time I ovulated, I got my period three days later. So basically that was a pointless release of an egg!
So here is the history of my cycles, just to give you an idea of how truly BIZARRE they are! If you can make any sense of this, you deserve a medal. Red= period, Purple= ovulated
*Novemeber 2010: Went of all forms of birth control
*February 2011: Called my OBGYN as I had not had a period since going off of BC. She had me come in for some blood work and perscribed me Medroxy Progesterone which started my period.
*February 26th-March 2nd= 1st period!
*March 10th-March 19th= 2nd period (and yes, those dates are correct!)
*April 7th= Ovulated for the first time! Lots of stretchy cervical fluid.
*April 8th= Had a pap test, all looked well.
*April 10th-April 22nd= 3rd period, and yes it lasted that long!
*April 28th-May 4th= 4th period. This one was HORRIBLE. I thought I was going to die. Super heavy and painful. Like nothing I have ever had before.
*May 3rd= Saw my OBGYN due to how horrible my period was. She said it was just a bad one, but that nothing could be seriously wrong. That appointment was a waste of time and money.
*May 15th-May 18th= What do you know, I have my period AGAIN! Period number 5.
*June 2nd-June 6th= Period #6.
*June 16th= Ovulated for the second time. Lots of stretchy cervical fluid and BBT match up perfectly for the first time since February. They support the idea that I ovulated.
*June 26th-June 30th= Period #7.
*June 23rd-June 27th= Period #8.
*August 4th= Ovulated! Stretchy CF and a poisitive on an OPK.
*August 16th-August 22nd= Period #9.
*September 5th-September 10th= Period #10.
As a side note, here are my cycle lengths:13, 32, 19, 18, 19, 18, 25, 28, 25, 21.
CONCLUSIONS:
1) I have had 10 periods in a total of 8 months.
2) I have ovulated 3 times in a total of 8 months.
3) There is no predictability to when my period might come again- it has a mind of it's own!
4) I think I need Clomid
I am going to bring my little calendar to my doctor's appointment on the 21st and let her see how crazy my periods have been and how little I actually ovulate. Hopefully she can help!
9/7/11
Latest Step to Getting Some Answers!
I made an appointment with a local Family Doctor to get my blood tested to figure out what the heck is going on... it will be a good starting point anyways. My appointment will be on Wednesday the 21st as soon as they open. I went with a family doctor because they could get me in sooner and because the doctor is a female- something that is really important to me. Plus, it's close by and having just relocated to a new town, convience is key for me.
Back in February I had my blood tested for prolactin and thyroid, all of which came back regular. I'm betting money there is some hormonal thing going on- it is not normal to ovulate only three times in a ten month span nor is it normal to get your period as often as I do. So hopefully come two weeks from today I can find some answers.
I am okay with not getting pregnant right away as long as I feel that I tried all I could try for that month. I will make sure to let you know what the results say!
On a side note, if I were to get pregnant this cycle, our baby would be due around 6-12-12. I have this crazy fascination with typing in the first day of my period into my favorite pregnancy due date calculator ...totally crazy I know, but it is the one good thing I can do in regards to getting my period. Plus, like I said in my first post- I am starting this blog because I know I am crazy about TTC... I am completely aware. And besides, you never know... this could be our month!
Back in February I had my blood tested for prolactin and thyroid, all of which came back regular. I'm betting money there is some hormonal thing going on- it is not normal to ovulate only three times in a ten month span nor is it normal to get your period as often as I do. So hopefully come two weeks from today I can find some answers.
I am okay with not getting pregnant right away as long as I feel that I tried all I could try for that month. I will make sure to let you know what the results say!
On a side note, if I were to get pregnant this cycle, our baby would be due around 6-12-12. I have this crazy fascination with typing in the first day of my period into my favorite pregnancy due date calculator ...totally crazy I know, but it is the one good thing I can do in regards to getting my period. Plus, like I said in my first post- I am starting this blog because I know I am crazy about TTC... I am completely aware. And besides, you never know... this could be our month!
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